For a long time, the scenario seemed almost written in advance: the man approached, initiated the conversation, suggested a date, and took the risk of showing his interest.
The woman, meanwhile, could wait, observe, let herself be courted… and then decide whether she wanted to take things further.
But today, many single women are noticing something different: men seem to approach less often, hesitate more, and sometimes appear to wait for a sign before making a move.
So, why are men no longer making the first move?
Is it because they are afraid of rejection? Because the rules of dating have changed? Because dating apps have transformed the way people meet? Or because, despite everything, many women still expect men to take the initiative?
The reality is probably a combination of all these factors.
ELC
Have men really stopped making the first move?
Not exactly.
It would be too simplistic to say that men no longer pursue women. Men still flirt, date, send messages, suggest dates, and take the initiative.
But the way men make the first move has changed.
An Ifop survey in 2024 found that 54% of French people now believe that men and women make the first move about equally often. Among women, 32% said they regularly make the first move, compared with 27% in 2021.
The traditional model in which the man is expected to take the lead every time is therefore gradually losing ground.
And yet, old expectations haven’t completely disappeared.
That is where the confusion begins.
The rules of dating have changed
For generations, men were taught that they had to be bold.
A woman caught their eye? They approached her.
They wanted to see her again? They asked her out.
They wanted to know whether she was interested? They took their chance.
Today, things are less clearly defined.
A woman can take the initiative. A man can wait for a signal. Two people can be attracted to each other and still spend days wondering who should make the first move.
Equality in dating is a positive development. But it has also made the rules less obvious.
And when the rules become unclear, some people would rather do nothing than risk getting it wrong.
Men are still afraid of rejection
We sometimes forget something very simple: making the first move takes courage.
You have to show interest without knowing whether that interest will be returned.
And rejection can be difficult, especially when it happens repeatedly.
A man who has experienced several rejections may eventually start thinking:
“Why keep putting myself through this?”
He may then adopt a more cautious approach: waiting for a sign before moving forward.
That doesn’t necessarily mean he lacks confidence.
It may simply be a way of protecting himself.
And of course, women experience exactly the same fear.
Because beneath the differences between men and women lies something universal:
Nobody enjoys feeling rejected.
Men are also afraid of misreading signals
This is one of the most important changes in modern dating.
Does a smile mean she is interested?
Does eye contact mean she wants to be approached?
Does an enjoyable conversation mean she is attracted to him?
There is never a guaranteed answer.
Men are increasingly aware of the importance of respecting boundaries and making sure their approach is welcome. That’s a positive evolution.
But it can also leave some men wondering:
“What if I misunderstand the situation?”
So instead of taking a chance, they wait.
For a longer look.
A smile.
A question.
An opening.
In other words, a small sign that approaching her would be welcome.
Do women still expect men to make the first move?
This is where one of the great paradoxes of modern dating appears.
Women may support greater equality in relationships while still enjoying the feeling of being approached by a man who is confident enough to take the initiative.
An Ifop survey found that almost nine out of ten women preferred men to make the first move, even though a large majority considered it perfectly normal for a woman to initiate a date.
In other words:
“I can make the first move” doesn’t necessarily mean “I want to make the first move.”
And that’s completely understandable.
Many women enjoy feeling that a man has chosen them, that he is interested enough to take a risk, and that he is willing to show his intentions.
The problem is that the man may also be waiting to feel chosen.
What if men are simply waiting for a sign?
This may be one of the keys to understanding the change.
When a woman asks herself:
“Why doesn’t anyone approach me anymore?”
it may also be worth asking:
“Do men actually know that I’m open to being approached?”
A woman can be attractive without necessarily appearing approachable.
She may be focused on her phone, talking to friends, looking serious, or simply giving the impression that she doesn’t want to be disturbed.
The man may think:
“She probably doesn’t want me to approach her.”
And he walks away.
What looks like a lack of interest may therefore sometimes be… a lack of a signal.
Dating apps have changed our habits
We also can’t talk about modern dating without mentioning dating apps.
They have fundamentally changed the way people connect.
On an app, making the first move feels much less risky.
You like.
You match.
You send a message.
And most importantly, you already know that the other person is potentially open to meeting someone.
Approaching someone in real life requires much more courage.
You have to interrupt a routine, start a conversation with a stranger, and immediately accept uncertainty.
The result?
We have become accustomed to situations where interest is already partly confirmed before we even meet.
And the more comfortable we become with this system, the harder spontaneous approaches can feel.
So why do men seem to wait?
There are several possible explanations.
1. They are afraid of rejection
After several negative experiences, some men would rather wait for a sign than expose themselves again.
2. They aren't always sure how to interpret signals
Modern dating has become more subtle. A man may need a little encouragement before approaching.
3. They have become used to dating apps
Digital dating creates an environment where interest is easier to identify.
4. They want more reciprocity
A man can be interested while still thinking:
“If she shows me she’s interested too, I’ll make a move.”
5. They don't want to force a situation
Respecting someone’s boundaries has become an important part of modern dating.
And ultimately, that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
The problem arises when caution turns into complete inaction.
Can a woman make the first move without “chasing” a man?
Absolutely.
And this distinction is important.
Making the first move doesn’t mean taking responsibility for the entire relationship.
You can simply create an opening.
A smile.
A comment.
A question.
A compliment.
An invitation for coffee.
And then see what he does with it.
You open the door. You don’t have to push him through it.
That small distinction can completely change the way you approach dating.
The first move can now be a move made by two people
Perhaps we need to move away from the idea that there must always be one male first move and one female first move.
In a healthy encounter, both people can contribute.
One starts the conversation.
The other keeps it going.
One suggests coffee.
The other says yes.
One sends a message.
The other responds enthusiastically.
One shows interest.
The other makes it clear that the interest is mutual.
Dating then becomes less of a test of courage and more of an exchange of signals.
And that can be reassuring both for men who hesitate to approach and for women who feel they are no longer being noticed.
You may not be less attractive. You may simply be approached less often.
This is an important distinction.
A woman may start thinking that men are no longer interested in her because she receives fewer approaches.
But the number of men who approach you is not a reliable measure of your attractiveness.
Men may be more cautious.
The places where people meet have changed.
Social interactions have evolved.
Dating apps have transformed people’s behavior.
And single men may simply have different expectations than previous generations.
So before concluding “Nobody is interested in me anymore,” it may be worth asking:
“Am I giving people enough opportunity to approach me?”
What if you stopped waiting?
Waiting can feel comfortable.
But always waiting for someone else to make the first move also means giving them complete control over your opportunities to meet someone.
Today, the rules have changed.
You can remain feminine, selective, and confident without remaining passive.
You can show interest without rushing.
You can take an initiative without feeling as though you’re “chasing” a man.
You can simply let a man know:
“You can come and talk to me.”
And sometimes, that’s all he needed.
Maybe the real question isn't “Why don't men approach anymore?”
Perhaps the real question is:
“How do we date today when both people are afraid to make the first move?”
That’s where modern dating becomes interesting.
Because behind the apps, the new rules, the hesitation and the uncertainty, one thing hasn’t changed:
We still want to meet someone we genuinely like, feel chosen, and build a meaningful relationship.
The codes may change.
The desire for connection doesn’t.
So instead of waiting for a return to a time when men always made the first move, why not learn to recognize the men who genuinely appeal to you, send the right signals, and create the conditions for a natural connection?
Ready to meet a man who is truly right for you?
At ELC International, we support singles who want to move beyond superficial dating and build a serious, meaningful relationship.
Because meeting the right person isn’t simply about luck or being in the right place at the right time.
It’s also about compatibility, meaningful encounters, and the right guidance.
Are you single and ready to make a real connection? Discover ELC International and take the first step toward a relationship that really suits you.
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